After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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