if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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