he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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