And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
