went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
