I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
