So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
