Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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