Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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