420 ftw
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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