just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize