I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
