He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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