Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize