I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
