So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
