i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
