Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
