Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
