I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
