am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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