Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
