I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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