I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
