Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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