"it" just moved
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
