I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize