I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
