My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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