yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
