doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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