i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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