Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
