Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
