Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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