Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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