Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So squirting runs in the family.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
