Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
