My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
they're like a gay fantastic four
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
