very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
