Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
