So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
