I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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