Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
