I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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