I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
