dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
