I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
