My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my shit smells like andre
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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