Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well I just put wine in my tea
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
