there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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