last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
