I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
