just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
