he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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