she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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