walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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