Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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