ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize