I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
