im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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