You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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