There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
