I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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