first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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