i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
