I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Boobs are out for the taking
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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