Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize