My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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