the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if only i could text you this smell
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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