Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
