did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
