it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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