I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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