yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
