Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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