Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
