the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
