Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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