the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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