I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
