apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
