i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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