I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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