Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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