Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
honey bunches of taint.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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