I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
