I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
