Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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