question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
