you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
