There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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