I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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