I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
