maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
