I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
