No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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