ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
