last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Oh god it's open bar.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
